this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
