I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
of course. lets lasso hookers.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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