we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
