you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
