Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
