the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
