She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
