Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
