Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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