Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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