hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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