broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
