OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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