I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I party with great urgency now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
