dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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