This is not my ceiling
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
