I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
