so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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