I'm jealous of your bromance
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
