Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
