making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
