I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
