Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
