Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
