its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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