If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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