So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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