we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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