I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
