Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
