you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
