He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
