'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
