Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
