Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
