lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
