I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
