she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
