Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
someone owes me an orgasm
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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