i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
