I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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