I puked a lego.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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