I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
