So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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