I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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