he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
