im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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