I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
