I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I need moral support for this bender
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
