ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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