you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
