you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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