Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
