drinking out of a sandbucket again
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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