dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
