I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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