Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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