hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Pants are for mortals
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
